You Gotta Do Something Different to Get Something Different

A lesson in pausing, pivoting and progressing

I’m in a season of life that I write about in Bloom How You Must.

Everything is busy, everything is demanding my attention, and it’s all I can do to stand in the middle of it, close my eyes and take a deep breath, repeating my mantra that Every little thing is gonna be alright.

I started a new (remote, part-time, extremely flexible) job and I’m working to get the hang of it.

I’m trying to continue the momentum I’ve so painstakingly built around my book baby.

I am building a whole art exhibit to turn my book into a living, breathing tactile archive of Black women’s wellness.

I am launching my actual baby (my last baby!) off to college.

I am volunteering with my husband’s nonprofit and my friend’s nonprofit.

It is not lost on me that I am currently touring the country promoting a book on self-care and with that comes intense pressure to make sure I’m not only talking the talk but I’m living that shit too.

As I said in the first chapter of Bloom:

Wellness isn’t a static goal where once we achieve it we live happily ever after. It’s about being able to ride the ebbs and flows of life with more confidence, more vigor, more enthusiasm!

Life has had me on the ropes lately — financial pressures, time-sensitive projects, emotional rollercoasters — and I’ve had to take a page from my (literal) book and remember what works.

Self-care, as I see it, is not the only thing that can sustain you when life gets hard, but it’s your first line of defense. When you get that feeling in your chest that life is too busy to function, self-care is the gentle reminder that you can in fact make some different choices that will lead you to a calmer, gentler space.

My self-care choices in this season look like this:

I gave myself more grace on adjusting to a new job, which meant I took three weeks off book promotion to get the hang of my new work schedule.

I called in my network for the art exhibit to help me build, plan and execute. The load feels lighter when spread amongst more people.

I’ve been adding more quality time with my friends. Meet-ups for breakfast are my favorite.

I decided to add daily workouts to my schedule for stress relief and it doubles as quality time with my son, who is my trainer. (Pray for me.) I’m working to get the best empty nest body Planet Fitness can offer.

I gave up making dinner every night because everybody in my house is grown and yet I still eat dinner every night because somebody else took care of it.

Small shifts make big spaces.

Now I feel like I can breathe again.

If you’re in a busy season and you’ve been telling yourself, “Okay, after next week, things will calm down and then I can [insert self-care ritual here].”

Sis, you are worthy of the pause now. The moment you feel the overwhelm rise in your body, stop, close your eyes, and ask yourself: What would make this easier in this moment?

A step back?

An extra set of hands?

An time extension?

A nap?

A good meal?

A good cry?

I want us to form habits where we are endeavoring to make our lives easier, not harder. It’s a foreign process for most of us as we’ve come up through adulthood shouldering everything thrown our way, without questioning if we can actually handle the load.

Sometimes we can’t put the load down (um, motherhood is a prime example) but we can always tweak the load to make it easier to carry.

Tell me: What will you shift in this season to make life easier for you?

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Come See Me on Tour

I’ll be in Brooklyn July 22 at Liz’s Book Bar for a book talk/sister circle/journaling workshop that is designed to get you thinking about the support you need before you need it. (I call that manifesting your soft place to land.)

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OTHER WAYS TO SUPPORT

Here are a few ways to support the work I’m doing around Black women’s wellness:

• Share this Substack with friends or people you think would enjoy it

• Share the link for Bloom How You Must or request Bloom How You Must at your local library

• Join The Self Care Suite community group

• Invite me to your church, book club, community organization or workplace for a discussion on Bloom How You Must and its themes. (See where I’ve been on tour so far.)